hospitality

i am lying
on a hill
i am electronic transporation messages to space
i am swiss knife
comin down
i am whiskey bottle
i am not making it in the vein
i don't got the guts
the moon is staring at me.

the cops ask,
where the weapon?
in the mail box.
she is bleeding arms,
are we going to hospital?


O, yea, we're goin to the hospital.

uninsured ambulance, two blocks, wrappd & ready-

they left me
in a room
wasn't rubber, TV spy me
O lovely gauze armd
white stretched on gurney
wheels unknown wrong number
styrafoam tongue tied
blinking florescence on wheels
seething infant drool
numb scars, loose skin flap & dried blood trickle-
no sleep allowed, so swirving ceiling
late nite kickbacks
drain me clean
flashback daydreams
mercury spoon.

throw questions at me
how is yr pussy? have you been inpregnated?
wat street drugs? have you been drinking?
yess, always.
how long & how many scars?
sharks circle.

strap me down
wheel me in.

you gotta go to group,
gotta sign a five day
then you'll get out quick.
fuck-
i just wanna lie
in bed
strung up by sheets
broken in mirror.

a guy comes in in bruises,
a crackhed lump facd-

carvin strange victims on sleepers
teeth cantankerous reaching
dope for the dream wagon
ignored & teacup flyin-

Goals Group!
Addition Group!
Change Places!
your Higher Power can be anything, a tree, a rock-
I am an angel from Jesus heaven!

tv static
spanish soap
Maria on her knees-

they patch thru my mom-
i upturn teacup,
all the drawers, pound the wall-
they soothe vallies down my throat
say, you can get better,
just sleep good,
eat,
stay clean
take meds
smile big.
with the money i don't have
the time i don't have
the voices i can't hear.
i tap tap tap my nicotine patch, scratch arms with staples, lie in bed, wait on sleepers.

they got names for all the diseases,
for bein queer,
for fearing the government,
for feeling despair,
remembering bad things,
for defiance.
i don't wanna go to church,
i don't wanna be a robot,
i don't wanna take yr chemicals,
and i don't wanna 12 step it.
i don't wanna be crazy,
i don't wanna be cured,
and i'm not gonna find salvation here, in this hospital,
in this holding cell.

i'm just gonna walk outta here,
split my insides open,
and collide them against all the walls and sidewalks.
and dear god, will i ever light up a smoke!
don't worry, mama,
there's plenty of reasons to live
on the outside.