its a grey not a black cat
i am satan i tell the boy
yr mother was a whore

woke throat-sore,

cold naked alone

dreaming of cockroach swarms

crushin kitten skulls

kissing a too-small mouth-

i couldn't find my hands,

it was unfair-

a shadow house,

a burnt pot,

a splinter-

you asked me why the curb was so high

you agony me.

birthday

eager morning
angry hangover
messy taco
green line to harlem
white cops like bacon beacons
gunshots passed
weary eyed train peakin
thru haze, brilliant chicago
always beautiful, everywhere
sky scraped gold
hed wound
open arms
to the four corners
sun up, sun down,
the gong fades out
wheat paste fingers,
torn pages,
rodents everywhere!
O no glue traps
happy hot knife hits
early morning jumped
shared 40 oz
we feel our warm live bodies through
tumbling on beds, pissin off roof
iron lung
not a crook
just need more money
it's free, no need to steal
evil drunk, lumphead
hassled & heckled
"beautiful ladies"
drunken 2.5 dykes
we are frozen
ash mouth
a beer for a stranger
gash mouth
a rock for a stranger
spit
dirty glass on dirty bar,
all the money gone
magick typewriter
turn off the telephone
leak me
a public place
ugly hunter
stuck rats
silly songs, candles
handmade puppets
altitude
good morning brother tumbler-
pass the bowl.

hospitality

i am lying
on a hill
i am electronic transporation messages to space
i am swiss knife
comin down
i am whiskey bottle
i am not making it in the vein
i don't got the guts
the moon is staring at me.

the cops ask,
where the weapon?
in the mail box.
she is bleeding arms,
are we going to hospital?


O, yea, we're goin to the hospital.

uninsured ambulance, two blocks, wrappd & ready-

they left me
in a room
wasn't rubber, TV spy me
O lovely gauze armd
white stretched on gurney
wheels unknown wrong number
styrafoam tongue tied
blinking florescence on wheels
seething infant drool
numb scars, loose skin flap & dried blood trickle-
no sleep allowed, so swirving ceiling
late nite kickbacks
drain me clean
flashback daydreams
mercury spoon.

throw questions at me
how is yr pussy? have you been inpregnated?
wat street drugs? have you been drinking?
yess, always.
how long & how many scars?
sharks circle.

strap me down
wheel me in.

you gotta go to group,
gotta sign a five day
then you'll get out quick.
fuck-
i just wanna lie
in bed
strung up by sheets
broken in mirror.

a guy comes in in bruises,
a crackhed lump facd-

carvin strange victims on sleepers
teeth cantankerous reaching
dope for the dream wagon
ignored & teacup flyin-

Goals Group!
Addition Group!
Change Places!
your Higher Power can be anything, a tree, a rock-
I am an angel from Jesus heaven!

tv static
spanish soap
Maria on her knees-

they patch thru my mom-
i upturn teacup,
all the drawers, pound the wall-
they soothe vallies down my throat
say, you can get better,
just sleep good,
eat,
stay clean
take meds
smile big.
with the money i don't have
the time i don't have
the voices i can't hear.
i tap tap tap my nicotine patch, scratch arms with staples, lie in bed, wait on sleepers.

they got names for all the diseases,
for bein queer,
for fearing the government,
for feeling despair,
remembering bad things,
for defiance.
i don't wanna go to church,
i don't wanna be a robot,
i don't wanna take yr chemicals,
and i don't wanna 12 step it.
i don't wanna be crazy,
i don't wanna be cured,
and i'm not gonna find salvation here, in this hospital,
in this holding cell.

i'm just gonna walk outta here,
split my insides open,
and collide them against all the walls and sidewalks.
and dear god, will i ever light up a smoke!
don't worry, mama,
there's plenty of reasons to live
on the outside.